looovin, is what I got

on that contemplative tip

My future.

Some days it’s barely something to muse about, a fleeting thought amongst many others. Other days it’s a whirlwind, a surge of thoughts inside my head that hinders my ability to think cognitively or work efficiently. Relationships, work, money, the possibility of school, all dancing around my head in a Bolshoi-esque fashion.

My whole life, though I’ve surrounded myself with people, I’ve always felt alone in my life situation, knowing at the end of the day I only have myself to turn to because nobody else is gonna be there for me. I thrive in being underestimated, because I love challenge in my life. However, this breeds within me a very arrogant mindset because I think I can overcome and fix things myself, with mere action and thought.

But all this thinking I do about the future is rather pointless if there is no submission to the Lord. All this worrying is abso-freaking-lutely a waste of time because there’s a lotta crap I can’t control, and that’s how life is. In the midst of all my planning and thinking for what is to come, I miss a lot of what is here right now.

And really, what more do I need to think about when my relationship with the Risen Lord has freed me from sin? I see where I am in my life and I have no freaking idea how I got here, because to be truthful, I don’t deserve any of the awesome people and things that I have. Strictly Providence. 

Matthew 6:33 all day, every day, not for my own personal reasons, but for You.